feels the sting, dries her eyes:: finds her self...opens the door and sighs
Mood:  accident prone
people see right through you
everyone one who knew you well
falls apart
by herself
days are long and nothing is wasted

i'll just put the email i wrote to julian in here. its what i'v been emailing people who should knowwhats going on. it sums up everthing that happened pretty good last tuesday.

[but we didnt knwo if it was ok by my school for monday,cuz we asked last minute, and we had no plan of me even missing tuesday, so really it was neither of ours fault, it just didnt have to make me look bad when you wrote to him. neither of us are to blame. anyways right now im way way to upset about other things to bother arguing about it. i called you today before i had even gotten to school. between when i woke up this morning and right now could have been months, it was a long long day. and its not even 7 pm yet!
i know your dying to find out what happened. so i'll leave you in suspense no longer. first i woke up at 8, and wanted to get to school on time to make a good impression you know? day of judgment and all. i get all ready and my host mom says no we will go to school together. (huh?) so then i know im in some deep shit. she is all smiling , and tells me to pack my bags. after i talked to kim gabin last night i was pretty sure they had already decided to kick me out of school, but i was not at all expecting to switch host families. that hit me really really hard. i wasnt even sure i was that morning either cuz i kinda didn't believe it, but ji-eon asked what were were doing and my host mom told her "onul, lori ga" which means lori leaves today. and i started crying of course. and asked where i was going to go. she told me i'd go to a teachers house, and gave me a name i'd never heard of. she gave me some bags and we packed everything, ( i still realy need a bigger luggage bag). then we waited around for a while, but no one came to get me so she called and found out i would go to his house later that day. so she sent me to school, smiling still. waving, have a nice day lori. oh sure..you bet. what a bitch. i oculdnt believe it. i get there and immedietly try and find jina, and was crying and no one knew anything. none of the teachers even knew. jina knew of course. it had nothing to do with her. her mom had told her last night i would leave today. but she didnt want. me and jina are really close friends. i didn't care that i was getting kicked out of school, what really hurt was being moved away from jina. shes my best friend in nonsan. so that was hard. mr soh, the english teacher, came and talked to me. he told me they had to release me from their school. noooo shit? i knew that. and he said i would go to a teachers home for the night, and tomorrow you'll never guess where im going! seoul! im so fuckin scared. chang won park is going to see me, and probably send me home, cuz he said he would if i messed up again. even though i didnt really have a chance to mess up again, he sitll might send me home early, since now i have no family and no school, and pretty much no reason to be here. so anyways, i told him all that is what i expected, and now i just needed my transcript and my money for the month of may, and i would go peacefully and quietly. but noooo, he says becuuse of the situation they can't give me my transcript, and i'm no longer a part of the schoool, they aren't required to give me my money. wtf?!?!!? i have no money! and unles i'm on the next plane to miguk then i'm pretty screwed finance wise. i've been crying all friggen day. and i think about it and everything that has happened, how my life has totally fallen through in a matter of 24 hours and i start crying again. where does it all come from? eventually i'll be totally evaporated, dehydrated, and wont have anything left to cry out i think! he said he would call the roatary people, because i wanted to go to gunsan for the remainder of my time here. i talked to the secretary like we thought i would have to do right? she was realy...dumb about all this. like lori you have to follow the rules. you broke a lot of rules do you understand? thats why you are getting kicked out. but really, after seoul i havent broken any rules, so i DONT realy understand why this all happened. then she told me lori everything is fine. FINE how far off is that???? FINE???? its sooo sooo soo far from fine. everything is NOT FINE. wtf. and chang won park will be just as helpful i'm afraid. i know he wont understand where i'm coming from. so i went back to class, and just vegged, and did nothing. i ate lunch with jina like usual. and we had art class after that. the art teacher is my home room teacher. he said he had no idea i was leaving tomorrow, he had just found out. but wtf, mr soh told me he had been going to him with problems wth me all along. so now its some big surprise?? and i really liked that teacher too! so idno. um. then what. so muhc happened. i left all my bags in the door way at jina's house, and since i'm not staying at this house for long it would be pointless to bring them here.where ever i'm going to go tomorrow, i'll just bring them with me then. during art class we didnt really do anything, painted right? but the art teacher left half way through the class (its a 2 hour class) and so me and jina were sitting there, and then she starts crying, and i start crying, and we leave class cuz we are both making fools of our selves. haha. and we spent most of the second part of class outside talking and crying nd remembering. it was relaly sad. later after that i met with the principle, who gave me my money for the month of may ( i guess they reconsidered, so i was real surprised) and mr soh told me he would get the transcript for me as i had requested. so good thing i asked cuz if i hadn't they had no intention what so ever of getting those things to me. we also talked mre about why i was leaving. because i had missed a lot of days of school and my host mom had worried about me a lot. mr soh said she had called when iwas in seoul because she worried aobut me and that really ticked everyone off ( so we alreayd knew that right? strike one, i got my wwarning, i dont knwo what else i did that set them off so they decided to expel me) then he said she also called last night too. wtf???? that i knew nohting about. she said she was having problemns and because i wanst home last weekend she was worried. NO NO NO cuz i asked permission from everyone i had to, to go on that trip to gunsan. so now i dont knwo what she is talking about. i didnt do anything wrong, she just pulled that out of a hat. its such bullshit. and i have been going to school like i was suppose to ever since i got back from seoul. so they just up and decided last night that a first warning wasnt enough i guess, and they would have to expel me. it was all really hard to understand why all ths was happening. no on eunderstood it either, and it all traced back to my host mom kicking me out. since i had no home the school decided it would be good if they kicked me out too i guess. so at 5 i left and went to the korean teachers home. i had never met him but he is really really nice. sooooo relieved!!!! we left at 5:10 and went to his house. he has a son my age and a duaghter maybe a year younger or older im ot sure. but we got to his house in idno wht city. and i met his wife, and me and him and his son had supper together at his brothers restaurant they live over.its a nice place and people are being really nice to me, and at 9 when his wife gets out of work we're gonna have a party to celebrate me getting kicked out of school ^^ jk, to celebrate me visiting their home. now, my contacts are really dry and irritated from crying all day and looking at a comptuer doesnt help so im gonna go and emilios gonna call me. since i dont have my bags with me i dont have my phone book so i cant call you. i hope you had time to read all this i know tis a lot im real sorry.

well, hope things are great for you! nad maybe i'll see you sooner than you though, if i'm going to seoul, we could meet! hah! look on the bright side right? k well talk to you later
always
rori]

i'll let that sink in